The Rage Monster

The Rage Monster
16 Oct 2018

Is Alive and Well today….

It has been a hell of a week and it is only Tuesday.

I supposed it started early Friday morning with the remnants of Tropical Storm Sergio dumping over 5 inches of rain in less than an hour on our sleepy Mexican beach town. I woke up at 5 am to the sound of water running and I’d assumed Sheryl had just gone to the bathroom. When I flipped on the light, I saw that the entire front hallway was covered in every towel we own and half the pots and pans in the kitchen had been deployed to catch the water in the RainForest Cafe our house had become.

The ceiling was bowed from gallons of water above and cracks were beginning to strain the drywall. Had to act fast…I grabbed a long screwdriver and started stabbing the roof let the deluge out before my ceiling collapsed in a mass of gooey plaster.

After several hours of mopping and laundry, we thought we’d had the crisis resolved. The ceiling seemed to hold and we’d gotten the HOA on the phone to come and take photos for the insurance claim. Life returned to “normal.” But when we got home from dinner later we found that  God Had Laughed and decided that our hallway needed an “open concept.”

The dogs were covered in plaster dust, the ceiling was in large, wet pieces on the floor and the entire AC ducting system was leaking newly-released storm water onto the plaster mess. Sheryl, having been up since 3 in the morning with the previous disaster, collapsed and I spent the next 3 hours putting my entryway back in some semblance of order.

By the way, do you know how hard wet plaster is to remove from tile? It forms this paste that sticks to everything and trying to mop it just makes it stick to the floor more. Hands, knees, and scrapers are the only way to get it off. And you have to do it immediately or else your nice white ceramic tile gets permanently transformed into “custom” faux marble…(Really–the plaster splotches look SOOO designer. Very HGTV…)….

I got to bed around 3 and spent Saturday at Jimmy Buffett in Phoenix. The unseasonable torrnential rain and the expensive cocktails at the pre-party kept the $14.95-Twin-Lobster-Early-Bird-Special Q Tips very sober and I’m sad to say I think that was my last JB show….The Parrotheads have retired permanently to their Florida master planned “Active Adult” communities. and so has their “joie de Partie.” It’s over.

Sail on, Sailors….


Sunday I drove home to reality and found that, surprise, surprise, no one from the HOA had come to inspect the damage. I tracked down our maintenance manager and he said “Ohhhh! That’s bad man!’

No Shit Sherlock.

With a promise that someone “soon come” to inspect and start the repairs, he left me and my “industrial exposed” ceiling to wait another day.


Started off ok. I had a few calls and got pulled into one of “those” meetings at 330. If you’re in consulting, or you work with high paid technology consultants, you know that there are 1 of 2 ways to sell services: Lie, or sell the “Art of the Possible” (AKA sorta lie). When you get pulled into an unplanned sales call with a different company and they do BOTH in the same meeting, you know you’re in for an exercise in patience.

Looking back, this other company really shouldn’t have invited me to sit in with my customer. I’m ethically programmed to tell the truth–especially when my customer is paying $250 an hour for my informed opinion. The poor sales girl didn’t know what hit her. In the span of 5 minutes I destroyed her very lucrative deal and sent her and her Minimally Viable Product (Get the MVP PACKAGE!) pitch out the door with her tail between her legs.

Bad timing on her part. She caught me at the end of a long, frustrating weekend…..


This morning I woke up angry. I know that there’s definitely a chemical element to it but I’m pretty frustrated that my ceiling hasn’t even been looked at. Around 11 this morning I got a call from the sales guy who put together the deal with the customer I spoke to yesterday.

Turns out the other company called him and gave him a “colorful earful” about the “POS asshole Project Manager” who didn’t back them up in the sales presentation. The sales guy told me “well, they brought us the deal, so they expected our support.”

“So what? I really don’t care about that.”

“And our CEO also sits on their board and is a major investor….”


As soon as I got through that I jumped onto a call and was very surprised when the power went out in the house. What the hell? I looked outside and there was a guy standing at my meter. Yep. He turned it off….

Now, I pay my bills. In fact, I pay a company to make sure my bills get paid…

I’ll give you one guess what happened……

In a full class 12 rage I stormed down to the office of the management company and saw Alex, the manager. He said, “You paid us 5 days ago, Jon?”

“Yes I put 800 bucks in the account last week. Why didn’t you pay the electric bill?”

“Well, man, you know it takes us some time….”

“You never even sent me the bill! TURN ON THE DAMN POWER!”

“We’ll get to it man. No worries, chill bro.”



Then I went around the rotunda to the HOA office.

“Where’s Carlos (the HOA director)?”

“He took the afternoon off.”

“Why hasn’t anyone come to look at my ceiling?”

“What’s wrong with your ceiling?”

“I sent an email, called and left you a message, and told Rodrigo (the maintenance guy) what’s wrong. I DON’T HAVE A CEILING ANYMORE! He said someone would be out yesterday!”

“Well, you know we’ve been busy….”



“When will some one be there?’


Deep, profound, frustrated sigh…..







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